long hiatus.

I was going to moved back to Olympia, but now I am staying. I had already packed everything but two boxes, purchased my ticket and was ready to ship everything across the country. A job that I was looking forward to fell through and I didn’t really want to work anywhere else.
So school is on hold temporarily and I am working at an awesome new cafe. Cafe Pedlar is located in Cobble Hill on Court and Warren street. It’s serving Stumptown coffee and Frankie treats. I think that I have fallen for someone and I am busy as ever and much happier to be working at a very positive fast paced place.
Yay for New York and a fresh perspective.

birthday

I went to a show tonight and say old friends, aquatints’ and met some new folks. I am feeling better and my birthday is on Sunday. Barbecue on roof Saturday with drinks afterwards!

last night of the 10 day visit

this trip has been incredible and now I feel really mixed up about things. I want to go to school, I want a family, I want more good coffee, sadly I have found none in Corvallis and I don’t think I want a barbecue on my roof for my birthday.

Good

Another thing. 

Dreaming is really important to me.  When I was living at my other place for some reason I wasn’t dreaming much at all, less than ever it seemed.  

But every night that I have been here, I have had a dream.  I don’t always take the time to remember them and sit with them but they are back.  

I finished another scarf.

Last week, or two weeks ago.

So so busy.

Thursday October 30th: Worked, Finalized with new roommates that I am moving in to place in Greenpoint.

Friday October 31st: No work, packed whole room, like 10 boxes.  Halloween, errands and getting stuff for costume.  I was a doll but not super convincing.  Mostly more make-up, a sash and fake eye lashes.  I had fun in Greenpoint with friends and at Enid’s!

Saturday November 1st: No work, waited for ever with friends for brunch, not really hung over.  

Sunday November 2nd: work, mom’s birthday, totally forgot to call.  Severin’s anniversary party for the hairshop.  Totally great time with friends.  

Monday November 3rd: work, while staring at newspapers from the day before the dates registers with me and I call mom apologizing for not calling sooner. Also, moved everything in two car loads with friends Billy and Colleen.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Tuesday November 4th: work, then go back to Bed-Stuy to vote, even though I just moved from there. First time voting in a booth, I think I did it right. Woke up in new place for the first time.  I woke up 45 minutes before work, dressed got pastries for me and co-worker, got to work 10 minutes before work.  I feel so lucky being so close.  

Wednesday, well Tuesday night:  Obama won.  I cried a little, didn’t really know what to expect.  I was at Enid’s and decided to leave 10 min. before 11 to go home, didn’t want to be around people anymore.  By the time I got home he was announced president elect.  

Wednesday: worked, totally drained from moving and the whole election thing.

In general though I have been knitting a lot.  I have been doing a great job with colors and lipsticks I have been wearing and continue to get compliments that feel really great. 

A lady that comes into the Chelsea store liked my colors and asked if she could photograph me.  So that’s been fun and I get to do more projects with here because I am a good patient model!!!! Also someone asked if they could paint me.  Sure.  More questions to come sure but otherwise totally awesome.

I am slowly putting my room together.

I am feeling a little frustrated/ frozen because I don’t know what to go to school for.

I am getting involved with Homo a Go Go again and was asked to take on a big responsibility!  It will be in SF this next summer so I am looking forward to that.  

I want to start a knitting group and am trying to find the time to do it.

I am president of money club.  Erin and I are both presidents in fact.  We are outlining our goals and learning more about money and saving to actualize goals and further our understanding to take more control and be more successful.  

I drink lots of juice and not enough water.

I really like knitting.

I still want to go to France, and am not sure exactly how I am going to save so much money for it.  

I stopped practicing my French as I am moving but still want to pick it back up.

I want an arm chair and ottoman to knit in in my room.

I want a chandelier for my room and lots of mirrors.

weird

someone called me a fat jewish bitch the other night while I was walking home.  I know that I am curvy enough but I didn’t get the jewish part.  I guess my hair is dark but ?  not sure what else gave it away, especially the bitch part.  I didn’t even open my mouth, didn’t waste my time to retort.  I know I am a big girl, soft around the edges, curvy but the way he said fat made it all sound terrible.  I used to have really terrible self esteem about my body and about my desirability when I was a size 10 in high school.  My curves weren’t totally awesome or supported in high school.  And since then, being out on my own, having my experiences, friendships, sexual relationships my mind has changed.  I still get shy about my size and my curves sometimes but other times, not so much.  

Starting at I know, I wasn’t going to write more but it feels good to address something that makes me uncomfortable.

PS I was house sitting in Chelsea, it’s sort of over, I kind of want a dog more now, or share someone else’s dog and I am moving out on Saturday?  

there is more but that’s all for now, take that!

hearts to Olympia.  Mirah and Mariella were out here and even though I didn’t meet Ms. Mirah so much of her music was all of Oly to me.  So many memories.  

Hey if I sent you a letter don’t write back yet, I’m moving, as mentioned above, and it might get lost.

hearts to my parents, love that you’re in my life.

Hearts to Sonja who is out on some awesome adventure meeting people, playing music and checking life out.

Hearts to my friend out here.

and my friends out there.

…living above the dream line, from No Kids.

maybe next tattoo and first text tattoo.

I am boarding on a double digit for tattoos folks.  I have 8 right now….

Finding a pattern and trying to stick to it.

Everyday still feels new when I walk to work, walk to the subway rather.  

I have been taking the bus a few times here and there to work, for visits though not actually to work.

I can still taste the pesto in my mouth from Ray’s pizza in the LES from earlier tonight. 

Tonight I met Jennifer and Stephanie, one cuts hair and the other one cuts her own hair and is the best vocalist ever, says Severin.  

I had a fair amount of alcohol tonight, all of which has mostly worn off.

I had my first French lesson ever the other day and it was totally amazing. David blew my mind a little when he suggested that when I am in French mode, practicing whatever that I only use that dictionary, only that alphabet, which totally makes sense.  And I got a compliment on my pronunciation.  

Maybe I move to France?  Or somewhere else after New York?  

I miss home a little. 

I love the change of season but damn it’s already cold.

My bike and all of my shit will be out here next week and it makes me a little sick to my stomach.

I was listless the other week and rode the bus to address something that would make me really uncomfortable.

I like Amber Fox a lot, I think she’s cool and I can’t wait to hang out.

I finished my scarf finally.

I need to change my diet and actually buy food for home, I just don’t know what to buy and don’t feel settled in my kitchen yet.

My roommate is a great cook and is so so good at sharing and I like to do her dishes because of it.

I went shopping at Ikea again with Yo and got two more pillows.  My bed is totally awesome and I kind of miss sharing it with someone.

It’s kind of weird feeling like I am in love with something when it’s not a person but a whole city.

I have calmed down a lot since I moved here.

I really like wearing lipstick but I kind of want to kick some of the men that stare and say stuff that I didn’t ask to hear.  But don’t worry I won’t kick them, it’s only inside that I feel kind of nice and annoyed and grossed out at the same time.

I am grateful for an arm to hold onto and a friendly face to ask how I am and stick around long enough to listen.

I gave a good friend flowers last week and another friend a bunch of balloons, totally announced and it felt really good.

I had some tasty rosemary fried french fries with my friend scott valentine.

I am seeing the Ting Tings on the 1st of November with my scissor friend Shaak.

My mom’s 41st is coming up on the 2nd but she won’t admit that it’s her 41st.  I love her a lot and really appreciated the first bit of vulnerability that I think really tipped off this other adventure in our relationship last December on the phone.

My mom asked if I would consider having kids closer to home and/or in Corvallis ( I can’t remember) and I said yes.  I think she would be a great Grandma and I think that in about 10 years I’ll be ready.

I want a partner to have kids with but I don’t have a clear picture at all of what my partner will be like male or female, or whatever.  

I sent off 6 or 7 letters a couple of days ago.

That felt great. 

I like how my body is changing.  I have lost a lot of weight since January when I changed my diet a bit and was biking more.  Since I got to NYC I have lost more weight due to walking everywhere, sweat I am sure and not to be weird or intentionally unhealthy, not eating as much.  Hence the pattern comment in the title.  I want a regular schedule for doing laundry, shopping, cooking, drinks whatever.

I want to carefully capitalize on my talents and personalty, wear fancy clothes, do photo shoots and make-up and not worry about money and then I want to invest that money and share it with my kids and other people that are working hard and need a boost.

I want to sleep but I am feeling anxious and distracted.

thanks.

love

I still feel it and finally it’s not so crazy since I am bleeding again, and I think on time.

But you know recently I heard from someone, true or not not sure I must do research, that females being regular is a joke.  Who knows but it has given me at least the false relief about being more healthy and able to maybe have kids eventually.

I am not sure what to think when people say that it sounds like I have a plan.  I talk about wanting kids, about business and trying new things, in a very general sense with all three of those things but still, and I want to protest that.  Like, ” No, well, um maybe I guess, I mean I am not sure….”

I am sure that yes thank you would work just fine.

Humble.

Acknowledging someone’s kindness is a big deal to me and I think that it makes a difference.

I am reading The Ethical Slut again and I like it.  I understand more because I have more experiences to apply to what I am reading.  I was reading the part about lovers listening to one another, specifically when something is difficult.  The book mentioned repeating, in your own words, what you understand the other person to be saying.  And this I find helpful as we all use different words for things that often carry different or slightly different meanings.  I was talking with a new good friend of mine today and deceided to try it out and it was awesome.  It was challenging for me to search for the right words but they felt like I definitely heard them and I felt like I understood their language and them a lot better.  Not to say that their was a misunderstanding by any means but that our percentage of understanding those particular words and what they were talking about then was super high and was confirmed right then and there that indeed we were on the same track.

xoxo

love you all.

France in the spring.

As of earlier this year I thought that it would be fun to go to France and check it out.  And I was hanging out with Tom not too long ago and he has friends and family over there so we’re going!  Having a place to stay and friend to meet or go with is awesome for any trip.  So this is my to do list before, what, late March early April?

To Do:

learn some French  -   I bought a book and started looking at colors and cut out the flash cards.

save money  -  that might involve moving to a room with a bed rather than the spacious room I have now.

Buy a plane ticket  -  expensive but not sure when to buy

get a slightly larger suitcase  -  to bring stuff back with, I am actually getting better at not packing too much.

Go  -  sweet!

 

I have been thinking about starting an additional blog about sex or maybe just doing password protected posts through here with sex and connection related posts.  I love talking and you all know that but I am so fascinated by the communication that happens surrounding sex and attraction.  My mom among other friends read this too and after a great conversation with her the other day we don’t really share the same ideas about sex or open relationships and, well anyways, expect something else interesting from here too.  More than likely it will be just linked through here for your reading pleasure, if you so choose.

I am in love….

with NYC.  Is that possible.  I think that it is.  I feel so good living here.  I know I have mentioned it before, maybe I haven’t but this has been the most rewarding, seemingly easy until it’s not move ever.  I have some great new friends that I think, I hope, will be in my life for a long time.  Work is crazy busy, I just worked 8 days in a row and three days off in a row next week.  And I am taking a tour, finally, of the French Culinary Institute.!!!!!

 

going out tonight, I put my lip ring back in!